Saturday, February 24, 2018

Wallpaper, Wallpaper, Wallpaper.....

I LOVE me some Wallpaper!!!!!

it's ME!!!!
The MIA Blogger!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been working my tiny hiney to the bone,
and believe me, I have nothing left back there to loose.
All my padding is in the front.
Wouldn't it be great if we could push our fat around inside the envelope of our skin, and mold it to where it is needed and wanted?????
I mean.....
what is the point of upper arm fat anyway???????
Where is the evolutionary bonus in that??
Am I going to survive longer than someone with thin arms?????
Next time I am in a clothing store trying on my T shirts with long enough short sleeves, 
and I see some svelte babe modeling a sleeveless blouse, 
 will think to myself .....
"Self!!!! She will not survive a nuclear blast like I will!!!!"?????

Oh, my,
where did that come from????
Could someone please bring me my meds?
I seem to have misplaced them.



If you have been reading this blog, you are aware of my besty Kris.
I piddle around, decorating her house, now that I am retired from the horrors of working as a designer.
I no longer work for the big bucks.
I no longer work for any bucks.
This way, if someone (friends or family) doesn't like my work, 
they can suck any part of their body that is handy keep their complaining to themselves.
That's my philosophy.
It doesn't always work that way.
Especially with my family.
Yes, you (if you are reading this.....)
(Peter and Faye)

So, although Kris and I are still adding the finishing touches to her primary bathroom, 
we have tweaked her living room.
This all came about in the hunt for an appropriate wallpaper for the aforementioned
Kris loves paisley.
I have spread it throughout her first floor.
As you enter her house, the first hint is the antique settee placed against the wall that faces the stairs.

I also covered the walls and host chairs in the dining room in paisley velvet.
(Since I took that picture, we have updated the room a little. 
that will be a later blog post.....)
let us go.....
to the living room!!!!!

Kris felt the walls were a little bare with just paint.......
that's right....
a little bare.....
So stark....So stripped down.
one of the wallpapers that I pulled for the 2nd floor bath was a red paisley,
and after I had fled the scene left the house,
Kris took it down to the living room to see how it would look.
The colors worked great with the rug.....
Then she looked at it on the wall
because wallpapers go on the wall.
(see, I am a decorator, and I know this kind of $%#)
It worked great with the paisley that I used for the draperies and ottomans.
then she checked it behind the sofa!!!!!
We were very excited.
Let me rephrase that.....
we were #$@%& excited!!!!!
so we had the wallpaper guy, who is a true artist, come and measure the walls.
I told him.
Wallpaper guys never listen to me.
European rolls are NOT a double roll.
He computed for a double.
We couldn't get any more of this #$@ pattern.
I guess no one else in the world is doing over the top crazy decorating anymore.
By this time we had been waiting months and months and months for this damn paper.
First it was back-ordered until August. Then September.
Then after the apocalypse. 
There were only 14 rolls left, and they were in two dye-lots.
But that was supposed to be enough wallpaper, so we decided to risk it, and to hide the change in lot color at the room corners.
The wonderful artistic wallpaper hanger came and rolled out all the rolls and cut them.
Whereupon he realized that we were three rolls short.
As you have probably sussed out at this point 
I couldn't get no more of dat damn material no more no more no more.
The showroom called the line that carried the paper.
They had one more roll in their warehouse, but it had been cut into.
They would send it to us and not charge us for it.
They felt horrible over the whole fiasco.
They were very nice.
Very nice doesn't get you
any more @#$% wallpaper.
But it does create good will.
It wasn't their fault that the mill wasn't responding to their entreaties.
The project was now at a standstill.
Kris had taken down ALL THE PAINTINGS in the living room.
all the paintings.
They were all piled in the dining room.
So the dining room looked like shit.
The living room looked like shit,
and she felt like now we had to look for a different wallpaper.
I was damned it I would let that happen on 
I told her to let me think on it for a couple of days.
I told her that usually when something like this happens,
a better design develops because I am forced to think outside the box.
I think she thought I was 
blowing smoke up her a$$.
I hate when I am sincere, and I listen to myself, and I think
"I wouldn't believe a word you're sayin' Betsy, my girl....".
But I meant it.
I thought
and I thought
and on the second day I had 
an epiphany!
The wallpaper guy had suggested an accent wall in wallpaper.
Just along the back of the sofa.
I felt, what was the point of doing this outrageous design only to make it look half-assed?
I am not a fan.
It really does help to think on things.
and to google things.
and to look on Pinterest. 
I suggested making the fireplace look like it was paneled, using her existing mantel.
Sort of like this one I found on google.
So that's what we decided to do.
She called back the artistic wallpaper guy and he got to work.
When I go back up to Massachusetts in the spring, 
I will design the paneling for the fireplace.
I think the room is going to end up much better with the break in the wallpaper in the middle of the room.

Below is one of my world famous, very hard to create collages.
It shows the before and after the application of the paisley madness.
This is definitely a specific type of look.
But Kris and I are over the moon.
In New England, where it is cold for 6 months of the year and grey for the other 6,
(I know, that's an exaggeration, but I am writing this from sunny Florida) the warm, cozy tones of the paisley just make ours toes curl in happy, yummy cozy joy.

when I look at the before shots of the room....
IT LOOKS SO BARE!!!!!!!!!!!

on that note,
Later Gator.
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