Sunday, March 4, 2012

Betsy's Kitchen Nightmares

                   
My next door neighbor has been giving me a hard time about my spelling.
Well, maybe I'm not such a great speller,
BUT...
She's not such a great reader.....
I have clearly stated in my bio, that I can't spell worth a damn.
My OLD friend June, lets me know when spell check lets me down.
I spell mantle, when I should be spelling mantel.

THEY BOTH SOUND THE SAME!!!!!
If you can tell what I mean when I'm talking.....
Then why the #$% does it make a difference to spell them two ways????

IF SPELLING WERE SO IMPORTANT
"NOP" WOULDN'T BE STUCK
SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF 
THE ALPHABET!!!!!

Oops!!!!!
I meant to spell nope....

A few years ago, my mom gave my siblings and me back some of what she had been saving over the years of our childhoods.
I got back all my Elementary School report cards.

EVERY ONE said things like.....
Betsy is an engaging child, interacts well with others (blah, blah, blah)
BUT
her spelling is a problem. It may cause problems with her in the future.
(Yes, I know, I wrote problem TWICE!)
WELL.......

FAKE OUT ON THEM!!!!!
Along came computers and SPELL-CHECK!!!!!

OK.....
Actually, along came JUNE.
If you can't spell....
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HIRE SOMEONE WHO CAN!!!!!

So....
To my snarky next door neighbor Mary
(now everyone knows who you are!!!)
GET OFF MY BACK!!!!!

When you're as old as I am,
folks are supposed to give you a little slack, #$%!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


NOW BACK TO MY KITCHEN
Lets talk about the appliances......
When I bought the house, it came with a working stove, dishwasher and frig.
THEN....
I got a letter that there was a recall on the dishwasher
Seems, they could catch on fire
(no biggy)
SOOOOO...
that was going to have to be changed.
Then, one night, while I was happily watching TV,
I heard the pleasant sound of a babbling brook.
It took a while for me to realize that that wasn't an appropriate sound in the middle of my house.
Soooooooooooo
I get up and wander into the kitchen, and see a TON of water all over the floor.
Water was pouring out of the door water dispenser.
HOW TO TURN THE @#$ THING OFF?????
IT WOULDN'T STOP!!!!
(I figured it out, the turn off is under the kitchen sink)


Okay Dokey.....
Since two out of three appliances were having issues, I decided to replace
ALL OF THEM!!!!!
YAY!!!!!!


Another excuse to spend money!!!!
YIPPEE!!!
So, I decided that, as long as I was spending money,
why not spend A LOT of money?????


And this is where my new stove comes in!

Viking (bless their hearts), must have come to the realization that,
even folks who didn't have gas running to their houses, like the look of a professional range.


I love my stove, I love my stove, I love my stove.
It's a completely frivolous way to spend moulah, it doesn't do anything that a regular electric range can't do.
But it sure is PURRTY!!!!!! 


So this is the way it looked with the Mexican mistake tile.
I had the microwave/hood over the stove that came with the house.
So, as I told you guys on Friday, I lived with the tile for three years, couldn't take it any longer, and changed it to light green subway tile.
I mean, I just couldn't stand this look another year.....


I am being a sadistic bitch, making you look at these pictures.
Well, I had to live with it, so suck it up and be brave.



Boy, when I make a mistake, I make a doosey!!
I only experiment on myself. Clients don't think it's funny, when they spend a lot of money and it turns out looking like @#$.



So I changed it to this.....
Much better!!!!!!
It's a Pratt & Larson tile.

I know it's a good use of space to stick the microwave over the stove,
but I have rotator cuff issues.
Also, the vent fan doesn't work as well as a real hood.
Sooooooooooo...
Then I was really LUCKY and the microwave turntable broke, and then the handle broke, and THEY DON'T MAKE THE PARTS ANYMORE!!!!!
So I was able to justify changing to a HOOD!!!!!
Yeah, baby!!!!


Sooooooooooooooo.....
I ordered the viking hood. It looks like this....

I was sooooo excited, 'cuz it was in stock, so I got it in less than two weeks!!

The big day came, and the installer arrived with my fancy new hood.
He took down the old microwave...

(there was great rejoicing in the Speert household!)

And then he 
took the mounting plate off the wall.....

And that's when we saw the BIG @#$ PROBLEM!!!!!

Yep, when I had the backsplash retiled, of course they didn't go up behind the microwave.
THERE WAS NO REASON TO GO THERE!!!!!
But the hood is shorter than the microwave, so the white tile would show.
OY! OY! OY! OY! OY!

Sooooooooooooo....
The nicer installer guy, put the Viking hood in my garage, and I started scheduling workers at the speed of light.

I called my tile guy 
(luckily, I had enough left over tile to fill in the needed space)
OK, remember this picture?????

This is what happens when you pull tile off my walls. the sheetrock comes off too.
(OY! OY! OY! OY!)
So I had to get my trusty go-to guy, Chris Haire, pull off the tile and re-sheetrock.

Here he is finishing up with some calking.
(bless him, bless him, bless him)
He's my fix-it guy, and watches my house for me over the summer.
Most of the advantages of a husband, but because I pay him, 
I don't have to live with him!!!
NEXT!!
was my tile guy, Jared Staley (561-596-0816)
I told him I would give him a plug!!

When he first started working for me, he was in his twenties, NOW, he's a 
DAD!!!!!!
So, the tile was installed....
and grouted.....

And then the exciting day came to put the hood up!!!!!
YAY!!!!!

OH NO!!!!!
YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!
The hood only vents out the top.
IT DOESN'T VENT OUT THE BACK!!!
It needs to be able to vent out the back.
IT CAN'T DO THAT!!!
IT CAN'T DO THAT!!!
IT CAN'T DO THAT!!!
I am totally @#$!!!!!!!!

Sooooooooooooooo............
The nice installer guy, carries my beautiful Viking hood back out of my 
HOUSE OF DECORATING PAIN......

Now is the time to hit the internet with a vengeance. 
I was damned if I wasn't going to find a substitution that could vent out the back.......
(This is what happens when a hot shot famous kitchen designer, tries to retrofit an existing kitchen. I am used to complete gut jobs, where I don't have to worry about this piddling @#$)
Two days later......
I FOUND ONE!!!!!
YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

From VentingDirect.com.

Whew, that was a close one. I was worried that after all that work, I was 

going to have to put up another microwave!!!!

All right folks, 

I will continue sharing more about this kitchen this week.

DON'T FORGET!!!

THIS TUESDAY IS THE FIRST TUESDAY OF 

THE MONTH!!!!!

OY VEY!! Q&A!!

TUESDAY!!!

See ya later

gator

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18 comments:

Anne said...

the best laid plans... thank you for the laughs! I thoroughly enjoyed your post!!

Heather said...

Oh, I thought these sort of things only happened to me! Thanks for the laughs.

Anonymous said...

Looks fantastic.. nothing good is easy
connie

Connie @ Sensible-Redesign said...

I love your blog. And I write like I talk and can't spell either. I totally understand what you are saying, even if the words aren't spelled correctly!! Keep up the good work.

It's All Connected said...

Betsy, why oh why is it so easy to work on someone else's house and so hard on our own? Outside of the obvious budget issue, that is. ~ Maureen

Victoria said...

I think you could have titled your blog "Adventures
with Betsy" love it to death you so make my day girl!
I am starting a gut this month so I know what you mean
when you are gutting anything is possible doing a "mini reno" always opens up the door for Murphy eh?

Sandie said...

Hey don't feel bad about the spelling....All artistic people can't spell....they've got the left brain/right brain thing going. I can spell, but I CAN'T decorate :-(

Amy @MaisonDecor said...

Wow, this was a nightmare scenario! Love how you pulled it all together. Laughed about so many things~your neighbor, your tile guy, your quasi-hubby-fix-it-guy, your horrible tile you picked out and hated....it was a fun read!

Connie @ Connie Nikiforoff Designs said...

I think this is why I do mostly redesigns...for clients who have little money to spend. Wow! What a nightmare in your kitchen project! But ya know, it certainly turned into a beautiful dream. And to Sandie---not ALL artistic people are bad spellers. {wink}. I have a major in music/theatre and am a decorator and I have very good spelling skills. Like anything else: Practice makes prefect..uhh, I mean perfrect...ummm perfect ;-) LOL

Anonymous said...

Did you go to the Bateman School of Design? Larry R

Shirley@Housepitality Designs said...

As I stated previously..You need to write a book...you certainly have plenty of material..!!..Kitchen looks great..

AndeM1 said...

you crack me up......don't worry about the spelling. I suck at it too, so I don't notice. The Viking range and hood are AMAZING.....so jealous! Cant wait to see more!

Tutti Chic said...

lol! I too am a spelling dummy. it doesn't matter when you are as talented as you are..your vison comes thru no matter the bad spelling once in a while. I've been following your work since I saw a gorgeous home on the water in massachusetts in a decorating magazine years ago (can't remember the magazine)I still remember how gorgeous & cozy that house was. :) chris

lvroftiques said...

Well all the aggravation was worth it because your kitchen looks mah-velous! And "oy vey" indeed on that mexican tile! Sooo much better in soothing green. Vanna

Ann from On Sutton Place said...

Love your range, love your tile and I totally love your blog. I've been here for over an hour just looking around. Tons of info. for sure. You are a delight. :o)

Sweet Bee Cottage said...

I love your style and you crack me up! Two things I can't live without! I'm your newest follower!

Amy said...

I feel like I'm watching a soap opera when I read your blog. You have cliff-hangers, new men coming in and out of your life, and of course the drama. Thanks for letting me "watch" your kitchen Nightmare!

home before dark said...

If you didn't write so funny, I would have cried, cried, cried. I am in the middle of a kitchen rehab that was laid low by the fu@&*$! vent and the damned HVAC. The place where I wanted to put a vent was jee whiz where all of the electrical wires from the entire house went down to the basement box. It looked like LA at rush hour. I thought I had been smart measuring the space between the windows/utility pole on the outside of the house, but noooooo, those wires from hell! Now I will have the induction cooktop way further from my double ovens. They could not live close together because the damn HVAC code stuff. I could write a book: What I Learned from Naked Studs!

It helps to know an experienced big girl decorator has similar hell pits!

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