Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Betsy! The Bravest Warrior in the Land!!!!!

Or.... who you lookin' at????

Sooooo.....
We have a whole lotta turkeys in these here parts!!!!!
I counted up to 21 in front of my house on some afternoons.
They come to eat the crab apples.
Every fall they gather into large flocks and stuff their faces on the apples.
They accept me.....
I accept them.....

I think they're kinda cool.....
Who knows what the hell they think of me!!!!!

WELL.....
This year one of my older neighbors called me to warn me of some rogue birds.
She claimed four young males had become aggressive and had run towards her as if to attack her.
She retreated into her home.
Since I walk around our neighborhood with my parents, she wanted me to be aware of the potential danger, and to be on the lookout.

WELL.....
I thought to myself...
"Betsy, she must be a big scaredy cat, who would be afraid of these peaceful birds?????"
Then I got the condo monthly newsletter.
There was an article about the problem turkeys.
It turns out that the turkeys are becoming too used to humans.
Four of the young males, who have formed their own gang, are a little confused about just what humans are.
They think that we are part of their flock.
They are establishing themselves in the hierarchy of the pecking order and want to be above the humans who live here.

WELL.....
That didn't sound so bad.
I mean.....
I'm bigger than a stinkin' turkey!!!!!
Granted, I've had a nose job, but I still have a pretty impressive beak to assert myself in this here pecking order.

THEN....
One day when I was coming home from grocery shopping, I saw a police car parked in our cul de sac driveway.
Being the nosy concerned neighbor that I is, I asked 
just what the hell was going on what's up?????
The police officer informed me that she was on the lookout for the four renegade gobblers.
She wanted to "explain" to them where they fit in the order of the universe that is my condo development.
We had a nice conversation and she talked turkey with me, sharing some useful turkey intimidation tidbits. 
Carry an umbrella and open and close it at the turkeys.....
this should scare the @#$ stuffing out of them.
We both laughed and thought the whole thing was pretty funny.
I mean, how scary could a turkey be?????

THEN....
dum de dum dummmmmm.....(sound of warning music)
day before yesterday there were a  whole bunch of turkeys once again in front of my house, peacefully gorging themselves on the crab apples.
I noticed a group of four males that were off by themselves.
I though to myself....
"self....I wonder if those are the notorious four aggressive birds?"
then I thought....
"self.....let's see how the umbrella works!!!"
then I thought.....
"I mean, how scary can this be?????"

WELL.....
Let's just say that when more than one large bird fluffs up its feathers and starts walking towards you with its neck stretched forward.....
it's very intimidating!!!!
At this point I hadn't brought out my umbrella.
I was standing on the sidewalk in front of my condo.
I ran back inside and grabbed my mighty black smiter.
I came out and started opening and closing the umbrella like mad and barking like a dog as loud as I could.
Two of the males backed off, the other two had to think about it.
Then they slowly walked away, with me calling after them.....
"That's right, I da man!!!!! 
Don't you mess with this mudder!!!!!"
My heart was racing a million miles an hour.

Later when I was sitting in my family room, thinking about how scary they were, I realized how believable it is when an animal fluffs up it's fur or feathers.
In the heat of the moment, you really think that they've gotten bigger.
Next time I know I'll do better.
I want these buggers to understand that.....
I'm the head pecker in this flock!!!!
On that note,
Latah, Gatah 
Photobucket

23 comments:

momtofatdogs said...

Betsy! You are hilarious! I live in middle TN and I work in the Environmental field. Which is a nice way of saying I work at a LANDFILL. We feed all the animals. It's priceless P/R. You know? Not only can the turkeys be aggressive - they can be demanding too. Just don't even try being late or not going out ON TIME with a 5 gallon bucket filled with cracked corn & small chunk dog food & those suckers will come to the door of the scalehouse HUNTING it! Seriously. They like the dog food best too. One time our part time litter-getter decided he couldn't work that day because..."Miss Sam, I cain't fight no birds for the gator" He went home. (gator=john deere 6 wheeled thing)

Sam

Sam I Am...... said...

OMG! You are TOO funny! That's the best post from anyone I've read in a long time! I love a woman who stands her ground! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Ditto, LOL!!
From Nan I AM

Roxie700 said...

I was thinking it might be a good idea to show them your large roasting pan and the oven and remind them that Thanksgiving is around the corner.
Your post is very cute. Thanks for a good laugh.

Elizabeth Jernigan said...

Thanks for the great story!

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious, Betsy!! Still laughing :-)
I spend some time this morning cooking dog food for my poodles..ground turkey with rice/veggies. I’d be happy to take those critters off your hands- and they'd go right into my pot!
My dogs would love organic free range turkey for their suppers.
Dolores

fixitfaerie said...

YOU are hilarious! I've seen turkeys attack people and it looks scary. Get some pepper spray to take with you when you go out and a golf putter or wood. I don't know if the pepper spray works, but i've heard it works on dogs. lol Paula

FairfieldHouseNJ.com said...

Betsy,
We have flocks of wild turkeys in NJ as well. Your story made me laugh and recall my own encounter with the TRUE Jersey devil! http://www.fairfieldhousenj.com/2012/04/21/a-jersey-devil/
Thank you for the chuckle.
Deborah
FairfieldHouseNJ.com

Tery H said...

Oh my goodness! I love you! You are so funny!
Your story was exactly what I needed. You made me laugh!

Thank you!

Divine Theatre said...

Now that you are the head turkey what plans do you have for Thanksgiving?

xo

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious!

Donnamae said...

Great story! You are so brave!! Thanks for the laugh!! ;)

Katie Mansfield said...

Oh my word! That is hilarious. I had no idea turkeys could be so aggressive. I wonder if you have scared them off for good?

Nita Stacy said...

Oh...my gosh...rogue turkeys!!!! That is so funny! We've got problems with raccoons. I hope the order of things gets right soon.

Kathy@ Gone North said...

Oh my word.... You are a hoot..... And you sure do have trouble with Rogue birds out there.... wasn't there a wild swan or goose or something a while back?? Who knew that condo living could be so dangerous?? : )

Mary said...

Your neighborhood needs to hire a hunter.

Great story! I'm glad you made it back to the house.

Di said...

That is hillarious Betsy you tell the best stories.

Beth C. said...

Don't mess with the Bets...I mean best. Best, Beth C.

bmayer said...

I never knew turkeys could be aggressive! They are always around in the park where I walk every morning (in Fleurida!). If you gobble at them, they gobble back....I crack my friends up with this. By the way, when they are "all fluffed up" its called "in full strut". My hunter brother in law told me that.

Amy @MaisonDecor said...

hahaha!! That is hilarious!! I can totally see you doing this and winning of course!

Anonymous said...

Not only can you decorate, you can truly entertain! Love your stories!
Olivia

Skye said...

You're killing me over here. I am terrified of the big geese that people think are so charming living at park ponds...

blossmgirl said...

Now that I haven't gotten ANY work done today but have laughed my @$# off at the image of you battling these turkeys with a stick vacuum and now an umbrella, I think I will leave the office! You are the best, Betsy, and not only do I love your design ideas but I love your sense of humor! My face hurts from laughing so hard, thank you!

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...