Even though it's only 8:21 AM, I am writing this with adrenaline coursing through my veins.....
I just had to share with the class.
When I went to get my paper outside my front door this morning.....
the four scary turkeys were back!!!!!
They were breakfasting on the crab apples that have fallen on the ground.
Remember the spring????
When I shared with you the pictures of the apple trees in front of my condo?????
all of those blossoms turn into little crab apples that are just the most delicious treat for all the birds.....including the turkeys.....
I stepped out onto my front stoop to yell at them.....
and the four #$% started coming towards me.
That wasn't what I had wanted them to do.
I wasn't calling the little bastards, I was warning them off.
But they have bird brains.
I tell you, if I had had three friends with me, so it was four against four....
THEN WE'D SEE JUST HOW BIG THEIR TURKEY BALLS WERE!!!!!
Speaking of turkey balls.....I have this great recipe.....
No, I will not be distracted from my tail of woe.
Since these four birds didn't seem to remember how scary I was with my umbrella....
(to read that story....click on the word umbrella!!!!!)
I decided to follow the advice of one of my readers, and try throwing rocks at them.
Since I live in New England, and gardening is just another word for digging up rocks.....
I have quite a collection in my back yard that I keep in old flower pots, just in case I ever need them.
I ran to the back of my home and braved the crappy drizzle that is so lovely this time of year....
grabbed a pot of stones and rushed back to my front door.
I started lobbing chunks of granite at the gobblers.
I am not an athlete.
I am not coordinated.
I was always picked last in gym.
Needless to say, I couldn't hit the side of a barn, much less a large stoopid bird.
I keep throwing my missiles of death.....
and I keep missing the birds.
But this being the theater of the absurd.
The dumb feathered beasts had no idea I was trying to scare them away with some minor bruises.
They thought I was throwing food at them.
Let me repeat that......
they thought I was throwing food at them.
I kept trying and trying,
lobbing one tiny boulder after another,
they were only about 15-20 feet away.
I MISSED EVERY TIME.
But, every time I threw a rock, they would run towards it thinking it was something scrumptious.
They thought I was feeding them.
They wanted to be closer to me.
This was not the reaction I had been planning.
Well this wasn't working.
So I went inside to get my Electrolux ergorapido.
It's a dust buster on steroids.
It's a dust buster attached to an electric broom.
I turned it on and brandished it at the testosterone poisoned Perdu wannabees.
They didn't like that one little bit!!!!!
But it's an older machine, and the battery can't hold a charge for very long, and the thing started to loose power in the middle of my triumphant gesture.
But not to worry.
The turkeys had turned the corner of my house by then.
I need to go buy a new vacuum cleaner, not for my rugs but for my protection.
Now when I go for my walk, I'll be dragging an electric broom with me.
I sound like a modern day witch from Harry Potter.
I've run out of tidbits on this story, so I will go now and drink my morning tea.
On that note,